To piggyback on my previous entry, I wanted to share my addition to “intention”, a simple metric that I use a lot and has become a method for me. I don’t know where I heard or read of this process, but it was many years ago and it has generally served me well. The concept is simple; when interacting (message, statement, feedback) the statement needs to meet two of these three criteria or do not do it. Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind?
If you have read any of my former musings, I’m sure it’s pretty clear that I am an emotional and over thinking person. Yes, I do just shoot from the hip sometimes and am heavily motivated by my feelings, but if I have the clear mind of reason and am considering my intentions, I often fall back on these three questions to guide me. They have saved me from many messages I would have sent and things I would have said that would have only resulted in drama or conflict.
I have typed out long text responses then asked my self whether it is true/necessary/kind and realized it was unnecessary and not kind, albeit true. That is the system.
When facing an interaction or a conversation, it is often easy to just speak from a place of hurt, or impulse and often times many uncomfortable things do actually need to be said. But, if they are first poured through the sieve of True/Necessary/Kind, you may find that many things are actually better left unsaid. If it is true and necessary, but not especially kind, it meets the criteria. If it is True but not especially necessary or kind, then it does not. Simple, but not always easy.
This filter coupled with considering intention is a very good framework for asking what you want to say and how you intend to have the statement land. Deep relationships do require openness and honesty, but sometimes we have to think about the intention mixed with the consideration of whether or not it is true, kind and also necessary. Obviously this is nuanced and not a worthy consideration for every interaction.
Arguably not a lot is “necessary” and true may even be subjective. But I know that when I write out a message and then consider my intention coupled with these three questions, I am more aware of what I am trying to do. Is this meant to manipulate? Make someone feel bad? Make someone feel good? Give feedback or feelings? Am I starting drama or honoring myself and/or them?
This is just a bit of my head spewing out some of the noise and as a part two that I consider with my previous writing about intention. A little peak at the constantly moving gears in my mind as I try to live an authentic and intentional existence.
