I am a pretty say what you mean and mean what you say kind of person. Before social media and the internet burrowed its way into our souls, I would never have even considered that people lie. Ok, I get that people lie, but I mean the general prevalence of not only showing the good side and the highlights, but the absolute ability to plagiarize, filter and fake whole lifestyles, appearances and successes. It was (is!) incomprehensible to me. Content stealing and faking reality.
I do understand curating your feed, making a “brand” of content, and highlighting your best angles (literally and figuratively). But legit lying? I don’t get it. To me it’s like showing decade old pictures on a dating site; they’re going to meet you and find out. Why create a false facade that will only be busted wide open in real life?
I don’t tend to use filters or old photos for this very reason. My newest headshots are even a tad too airbrushed for my sensibilities; yes I look like that, but I also have pores and some fine lines. I am also talking about filtering and enhancing our lifestyles, businesses, or accomplishments. Call me old fashioned but I think maybe we should claim what we actually are. If a client asks me if I’ve been busy, and I’ve had a slow week, I literally cannot say an emphatic “Yes!” I try to not use negative language like “I’ve been so dead” or “I can’t even pay my bills!” but I will admit that “it’s been a bit slower than normal” or “I’ve had a slow week, but I’m sure it’ll get better next week”. I wish I could either not be asked, or be able to forge my clean and shiny answer on the spot, but the best I can do is make my honest answer glossy.
The most perfect example/metaphor I can think of is facebook sourdough groups. Now, I’ve been exclusively making our daily bread for over a year and a half. It is generally pretty consistent, but I still bake the odd dud, it’s the name of the game in baking. But there will always be posts of some perfect loaf, with a perfect crumb and rise, and the caption will read something like “My first loaf. How did I do?” Sure this person may have lucked out and literally made a perfect first loaf, but more likely, they have tried many times, failed many times and now claim this specimen to be the “first” while also feigning humility and fishing for compliments.
Judgy? You bet I am. But the judging goes deeper in that I don’t like the implication that all must be perfect; Novices can be experts; Life is roses and sunshine at every turn. It breeds dissatisfaction, comparison, and by in large, poor self worth. Filtering our lives, accomplishments, success and appearances only creates some unattainable level of perfection and doesn’t show the normal and very real occurrence that is failure, mistakes, wrong turns, and actual human experiences of sadness, grief, and discomfort.
I think that social media and its falseness is a difficult thing to decipher. I follow many hilarious accounts who seem to be real and open and self aware. But I also follow many businesses and people who seem busy, successful and financially thriving. This is often hard on my mental health, as I do find that I have a phone addition and spend too much idol time in this alternate universe that refreshes every minute and shows more and more of what it thinks you want to see. That, coupled with a slower time at my work and personal questions about my own success rattling around in my own head, is a bad combination.
I also see the flip side where I may not use filters and fake my lifestyle; I don’t post every run or all the workings of my day to day. I do, however, post the highlights and the day trips and perfect moments. Am I then part of the problem in making content that shows the polished and shiny segments, making my own life seem extra special and unattainable to someone else? Even if it’s real, it’s curated too, and only a portion of it all.
I get that there is a fake-it-til-you-make-it aspect in every facet of life. And a positive attitude and optimism are paramount to happiness and general feelings of contentment and success. But claiming that all is well, there is never a struggle, our face is perfect, that our lives are smooth and soothing waves of nothing but bliss, is not only disingenuous, but ruining the reality of struggle for many. I just simply crave self-deprecating, open, honest and authentic accounts of life, work, family and relationships. I hope to at least be some small part of that; being what it is that I seek. Maybe my “brand” needs to show more blemishes and crinkled parts.
