I have not worn anything but leggings for at least 6 weeks but moments ago I took the plunge and walking lunged my way into a pair of recently washed and dried jeans. If I do nothing but stand or lay flat for the rest of today, these are going to feel very comfy! Okay, truth be told, I haven’t put on much weight in the last 7 weeks off, certainly no more than I have in the past 22 months of new relationship bliss that entails more wine, eating out, and most specifically, a man who went to culinary school and pretty much makes everything delicious and cheesy. Not that he makes me eat more…but he is a very convenient scapegoat, so that’s my story.
The time off work has felt too long and somehow not long enough, as I see a return to work coming in the next month, to six weeks. I am not sure how I feel about that. Certainly excited to have income and not be reaching so far with the budget. But also some trepidation over what it all looks like going forward, smattered with a little bit of “Eww! People!” as I have become more reclusive and less and less social, or comfortable in public. I am glad to have the prospect of normal routine and some daily purpose but then again, its summertime and the living is easy. (Well, its spring, and I’m broke, and stores are closed and all that, but you know what I mean.)
The news came down this past week that the San Francisco Marathon will be postponed till November (or the option to defer to one of the next two years). I chose to call it off until next summer and ceased marathon training. I wrote out a skeleton of a training program for the next six weeks to keep me going, and am actually excited to have more opportunity to bike ride now that my running distances will decrease.
I have greatly enjoyed more time with my daughter (my son is basically attached at the hip to his lovely girlfriend, so we don’t see him unless it involves food). Having weekends off and having increased freedom (despite the decreased freedom) has been fairly awesome. I have attempted to be cognizant of the idea that I have not had weeks and weeks off work since maternity leave (and that’s not “off”) and I likely (hopefully) will not have an extended period of unemployment again. I know that this is not a time of delighted hiatus, but it is also not a requirement to spend the time paying some penance or wallowing in grief either.
Stores and some things begin to open in the next couple weeks, in my province, and it makes me feel like there is some risk and some relief. I worry that many will just return to the mall and life as they knew it; while many will be scared and changed. I don’t actually trust that it is a good idea, or whether things will not just get worse than they have been. I am sure we all feel some varying levels of concern and anxiety, mixed with the need to work and desire to play, as we are used to.
I am excited to get my daughter’s braces off and to see my friends. I am excited to eat in a restaurant and not feel badly if I need to grab 3 items from a store. I’ll be glad to not feel like it’s breaking the law to see my parents or sister; and hug people! As I’m a pretty steadfast rule follower, many of these things have been difficult to consider breaking. Unnecessary shopping or visiting has been…unnecessary, and the handful of times I’ve associated with people who weren’t in my, count-on-one-hand, immediate circle, I’ve felt guilt ridden, or hypocritical at least.
I had my fist Zoom meeting with co-workers last week and it did remind me that I miss those ladies, and it is positive reinforcement that I will actually really like getting back to work and around people. It will be nice to just be around my co-workers even! (Can we do a soft open and just hang out in the staff room chatting for a couple hours a day to start?)
As for my Game of Thrones career, it’s pretty much done now. I have two episodes left and my boyfriend has not seen them either (I caught up to him and we watched the past few episodes together) so this brings my loyalty into play, as I now have a whole week to wait until he is able to finish off the series with me. Oh, the things I do for love!
At least another month off, and 7 weeks already passed. I will try my best to bike and run and enjoy the parts that are good in this. My jeans are already feeling looser having sat here and wrote for a bit! Not like the soft angel breath that are leggings (I mean they are kitten fluff and nakedness!), but in the firm hug of sausage casing way. Maybe I should get used to wearing mascara and not napping when I want to also. But come on now, I need to ease back in, the way I need to stretch out these leg prisons.
Periscopecake 