So begins my third week at home: Today I find myself by myself and I have such exciting things on the roster as “make chili” and “do laundry”. Not that I actually mind that, as I also plan to work out and, frankly, chili is basically my favourite food. I have noticed, in these past couple weeks of social distancing, that beyond not having a job to go to, my life is basically the same. I knew I was more of an introverted person; but I have become glaringly aware that much of what I do is either solo or with maybe one or two other people.
It all doesn’t really feel real. It’s hard to consider that popping out for a few errands and general shopping, is taboo and risky. But because my actual lifestyle hasn’t really changed (beyond not going to work) it feels the same to me in so many ways, and despite my gym being closed and doing home workouts only, I feel like I get to do all the normal stuff I do.
I do miss being able to run over to Costco to grab something and I like going to the movies or dinner or grabbing a coffee with a friend every once and a while, but really, I pretty much like to do many things that are just alone, and I can’t say that I hate having an excuse to watch endless hours of exciting shows with my sweetheart (did season 3 of Ozark come out during this time by coincidence?)
I have felt some stress over financial worries but have been doing all that I can do to call the places and find the websites, to seek assistance; and dealing with “higher than normal call volumes” sounds like a fine hobby I guess, I can keep on calling while I try not to online shop or boredom eat.
We currently have stocked cupboards and I have been even more diligent about food waste and making those meals that will take us into a few days of leftovers. Organization is practically my religion, so I was kind of built for this! Although, I don’t know that I could hunt and forage, I like some nice skincare products, and don’t love being dirty, so hopefully Mad Max days are not upon us. Although, as I have not been wearing makeup, I haven’t had to wash my face as often so that’s “rustic” right? I’m also really diving into living in leggings and I finally realized that I was wearing a bra for absolutely no reason, so that’s over.
I have had some conflict about social distancing in these past couple weeks. I get it. I’m on board. But where I live is not my children’s primary residence and I have a boyfriend and a roommate that both still work outside of the home. I had a very uncomfortable discussion with my roommate about my stress and upset over her still meeting up with a friend or two for coffee or lunch. I had a pretty ridiculous 3 hour text back-and-forth with my 17 year old son about not meeting up with his friends (If anyone thinks I’m stubborn…you haven’t met this spawn of mine!)
I do subscribe to the concept that “if you don’t live with them; don’t visit them”, (in theory) but I also see this grey area where I reside. I want my daughter over here! I think it’s important. And that kid seemingly needs to hug and kiss me every 26 seconds (and as she is a 13 year old girl, I am lucky and amazed that she is not a demon, so I’m holding onto that!)
I didn’t have my son over for a couple weeks because he was having some sickness symptoms and I wanted to protect the rest of my household, but he came over last night to get some muffins I made, and he hugged me like he hadn’t seen me in years and wouldn’t let me go! So he needs to be with me too; he is not a child but he is certainly not an adult beyond needing his mother.
My roommate works for public transit and chooses to still meet up with a couple friends. She is an adult woman, and it’s her prerogative to live her life as she wants to, and she is trying to stifle her more social personality greatly. My son has been basically living at his girlfriend’s house and her mom works outside the home in an essential service also. My ex is also is working outside of the home. All luckily so, as all these people have their incomes still and that’s great too.
Oh, the tangled web of social contact! I have been basically isolated to interaction with 2 or 3 people and not seen any of my lovely friends (text or phone contact only) but all of those around me have connections with co-workers or customers, or a few friends. I have no control over this, and the conflict is that I obviously want to see my kids, although maybe I shouldn’t or maybe they should pick a home and stay there for now (?)
My son is back and forth between our house and his girlfriend’s house, and so then is she. My daughter is between the house and my apartment. All of these players, and all of their contacts, are added potential for “contamination” and there is so much anxiety about spreading sickness and keeping us ALL safe. We each may have 2 to 5 regular contacts but the reach of us all may be so much wider, we are not a small group who works at home and basically sees a person or two in a store once per week.
One of my son’s primary arguments over why he should still be able to see his friends is that I am of a similar or greater risk of exposing his sister and father to sickness. And he’s not wrong. But what is one to do? I may be able to control me, and not see my friends, or only go to a store when necessary, and keep my circle to the two people I live with (and my isolated daughter); but I can’t control those who live with me or those who they see and on and on and on.
So we do what we can. We wash. We distance. We keep unnecessary visits to a minimum, and no one is seeing our parents or those who may be at a greater risk. I try and not worry about the weight of the economic impact from all of this, or feel sad about my son losing his grad ceremony, or all of the totally surreal things that are now part of this strange movie we are all part of. (Running by the zoo parking lot on a Sunday and it being empty is bizarre!) I get up as early as usual and try and not totally waste my time, and also not to be completely sucked into the wormhole of social media for hours.
The other night my roommate read a fairly cheesy Facebook quote about how you are not “stuck” at home; you are “safe” at home; I agreed and my daughter said something to the effect of “don’t say cheesy inspirational quotes to my mom because she will agree with them and see the positive”. These kids often rib me for my Pollyannaism (and I capitalize on it to tease them whenever possible!) I may enjoy dark humor but I do think in sunshine and rainbows…
I believe this will all pass and there will be good and interesting take-aways. I think there is value in this to learn what is important and what we take for granted; and how easy many of our lives actually are. There are things we can feel grateful for, and things we will realize to be so temporary and valuable.
I will get to making my chili now, then haul out my “gym”, shower and get dressed in pajama like clothes rather than actual pajamas. I have a very busy afternoon of reading and avoiding dusting.
Periscopecake 