There’s a social media, societal or urban legend that women of a certain age begin to enter a space of no longer giving a shit. Not in general, but in spaces of what people think of them or how they are perceived by others. And look, I am a lady of a certain age and I certainly am a lot more assertive and opinionated than my former self, but I still give too many shits. (Google tells me this is being self-conscious and having social anxiety, and low self esteem, so there’s also that).
Like, does this phenomenon hit automatically or is it cultivated? I definitely will no longer stand by for injustice at the supermarket, or laugh politely to someone who is being rude, but I still care about how I come across. I have very strong opinions and have a super hardcore internal bitch that my nearest and dearest have met, but when I’m out in pubic…not a chance. I will “passive aggressive” you with a comment, but I’m not starting something I’m not prepared to finish.
When I see a runner on the bike path, damn straight I want to tell them that the lane is for bikes, but I don’t want them to hate me. I will send a strongly worded email but I don’t want to receive a call-back or speak to the manager. I won’t stand for you making snide comments about a slow moving line or the new cashier (that’s someone’s kid doing their best up there!) but I won’t tell you to control your stupid little dog on your stupid extendable leash that is taking up the whole stupid pathway!
I still have my feelings hurt by rejection or someone arguing with me online. I intellectually get that these people don’t know me and have no direct impact on my life, but “Why don’t you like me!” I avoid most, if not all conflict online. I will tell you the line up is back there, if you budge, however. I will never be rude to a customer service agent and often even preface a disgruntled call with, “I’m not mad at you, so excuse my tone, because I am very frustrated right now”. I will bitch to my partner about the most benign shit, but will I confront that inconsequential individual about said issue? Highly unlikely.
I think I have actually gotten equally more bitchy and more apathetic as I’ve aged. I’m disenchanted, yet have severe injustice sensitivity. I don’t care that my ankle socks are not in style or that I don’t even really know what is in style, yet I want to still be seen as “young for my age” or some stupid concept.
I want a sip of that “don’t test me!” juice that ladies my age are supposed to be drunk on. Give me a bite of that “Screw what anyone else thinks” pie. Because although I find more and more people outrageously stupid, I will be dammed if I come off as mean.
To some degree, I am wading in that pool, but I’m only knee deep, and get scared when the waves feel a little chilly on my thighs. I am not wearing a bikini, diving into those waves! Can I maybe try it on some very safe and comfortable private beach perhaps? Can I hide behind “anonymous participant” or at least bring a friend?
Even as I write this, I’m annoyed with myself and think “Hell no, Girl! be loud and strong and don’t suffer fools!” But even last weekend I replied to what seemed like a very obvious AI post online (noting that it looked like AI) and after a few “actually…” responses, I deleted my comment because; eww attention and conflict. (It was definitely AI, you morons!)
I suppose that not wanting to be a bitch or come off as rude doesn’t necessarily say that I am giving too many cares about how others perceive me, that may just be being a kind and sensitive person. But I’ll tell you, it is mildly exhausting. I also have the additional awareness and weight of understanding that I am fairly covered in tattoos and am a business owner, I would hate to “educate” some horrible dog owner in my neighbourhood, only to see them at the coffee shop of have them come to my workplace and recognize me. I don’t even know if that is possibly “fake”, because I am actually kind, and would rather be the good in someone’s day, than the lady who got into an altercation at the bank.
Maybe the middle aged lady who doesn’t give a shit is less about being a rage filled bitch, and is more about not caring as much about shit that truly doesn’t matter (ie. things that effect no one but the actual person: clothes, body modifications, how someone styles their home). And on that front, I have, and will always not give a shit. Maybe it’s picking your battles and realizing that nothing really matters all that much in the scheme of things (unless it does hurt other people) and there is a kind way to say “Get off the bike lane you oblivious fool!” But I prefer to just fume about it in my head for a few blocks. Maybe I’ll be meaner when I’m 60.
Periscopecake 