When people my age say that they are old, I often discourage this and tell them that age is just a number and we’re still able to start new things and achieve things like fitness and weight loss, or new career paths. (Annoying, I know. It’s part of my charm) But I have to admit that lately, I am feeling a difference in my age and it’s a bit frustrating and I will deny it at every turn.
When I was 16, a friend’s mother told us, basically, that you never actually feel any older; that you are just you and age happens but you stay the same, and its experience that ages you. I have understood what she meant as I’ve aged and I have enjoyed getting older for many reasons.
After my son was born, when I was 24, I felt 25 for many years. I don’t know what it was about 25 but it was like I was frozen in time there. Life was busy and fast and I didn’t feel older than that for years. To be fair, I’ve always been a bit “old”. I have always been a little “square” and liked organization and doing things like alphabetizing my CD’s more than partying. I bought kitchen wares and household items throughout grade 12, to be ready to flee the coup as soon as I tossed that tasseled cap.
I did feel a bit older when my daughter was born, when I was 28, but not by much. I was working out most days. I wasn’t super tired. In my 30’s I was very happy to be in my 30’s and now be a “real adult” and I felt more comfortable in my body and who I was. I started running marathons and went back to school for personal fitness training. I would go to the gym nearly daily. I was somehow able to do a long run on a Sunday morning then get home, shower, eat and go about the day and chores and whatever I had to be doing. Sometimes I would work out twice a day, if I wanted to run and lift that day.
I was a friggin’ machine! And I cooked and baked and did the house work and worked, at some points, more than 2 jobs, and it was busy. I got muscle soreness if I hadn’t lifted in a week, or really up’d the load, and I got a bit wiped if I ran a very long run, but nothing a brief nap wouldn’t cure.
Now, what the hell!? I am 42. I am pretty sure my neck hurts all the time. I mean, in varying degrees but All. The. Time! And if my neck is dull, something else is defiantly sore or stiff. I am tired by 9 pm and if I do stay up till 1 or 2 pm, it’s just not worth it the next day. (Wow, I’m a super hot date!)
I got fairly drunk last Halloween (having had jello shots for the first time in my life) and I was throwing up! I break out if I’m run down and I now get zits around my neckline. It seems like there are more and more foods that bother my tummy in some way.
I still work out most days but my recovery is slow. I get sore if I don’t lift for a week but I have been sore enough that it’s woke me in the night! What is that crap? I can still run long, and I bike for hours, and I don’t usually get too tired, but when I do, it’s a level of fatigue that I can’t explain. Its brain fog and heavy limbs and utter exhaustion. And I am fit! So how the hell bad would I feel if I was sedentary? Speaking of that, sitting for a long time is like becoming the tin man rusted in the forest.
I don’t know if I’ve slept through the night in 57 years and I am such a light sleeper, a small jingle of a noise 6 blocks away can wake me. I have to pee every night. Maybe at 1 am, maybe at 4 am, but it is an absolute. I don’t know if I have made it through a night this decade without waking to pee.
I feel 36 or 38 at this point. I forget that I am in my 40’s. So I can still see what my friend’s mom meant, but physically, I can see that the parts are showing some wear. To be fair, I do still train like I’m in my 20’s and perhaps should take more recovery time…but I like to do this stuff! I want to ride 60k one day then run the next, and weight lift the day after! I can, but the long run on Sunday wipes me out then.
Knowing what I know about exercise, I reject the old wives tale that running is bad for your knees, but I have to say, there is some not so friendly thing going on with my left knee and it all seems very heavily connected to how well I stretch and how long I sit. Getting up and down isn’t as bouncy as it may have been 10 years ago. I complain about soreness or groan upon movement, more than I’d care to admit.
This has been a hard pill to swallow these past few years. I know that you can be active at any age and I know that you can learn a new skill and improve, and all things are possible, etc etc. But sometimes I have to wrap my head around the idea that I maybe can’t train exactly like I could in my 20’s. Maybe I do need a rest after a long run. Maybe it’s okay to just go for a walk and do some stretching, the day after biking for hours. But I don’t want to, dammit! I feel like admitting this to myself is similar to telling my teen to drink more water and not stay up so late…like hearing Charlie Brown’s teacher speak.
I know and have said that you can only train as well as you can recover. Recovery is where the magic happens; where your body adapts and repairs to the stresses placed upon it and actually allows you to get stronger. But tell that to my inner self who feels 36, wants to train like I did at 26, but has components that are 42.
So anyway, as I sit here and my spine cracks when I shift and my neck is stiff and my legs are slightly heavy from a 60k bike ride yesterday, I am thinking about whether I want to run 12k (as is on my training schedule) or lift weights instead. I suppose you really can’t teach an old dog new tricks…wait, who am I calling old! Age is just a number…
Periscopecake 