So today, after 20 some years of running, I peed my pants while running. It was a 14k run on a very sunny, very clear morning, and the temperature was -17C (-22C wind-chill). I left the house knowing I may have to pee again but I was bundled up and those layers mean business. I was a kid in a snow suit! Not to mention that the huge gortex gloves I was wearing were locked and loaded and I wasn’t about to disrupt that whole business after my boyfriend helped push on glove number two; and it was likely just the coffee talking anyways…
My legs were sore from the workout a couple days earlier and I had my longest run in many months to get going on. The time had just sprung forward, and the day was wasting! I’ve run in -33 and I love a sunny day, but when it’s super cold and super clear and sunny, the air feels that much chillier. I headed on my way. Nope, still have to pee. I can do this. I’ve run a whole half marathon with a slight message notification from my bladder before, I’m a pro! Soon the signal will shut off; I’ll be home before I know it and it will be fine.
6k: Jesus, I sure do have to pee now. I wish I was a dude. Is there bushes cover near here? But there are the layers and its friggin’ cold and these gloves are hardcore. It’s fine. I’ll get home, it’ll be a rush and I’ll have to scurry to the bathroom with wet shoes, but I can do this!
8k: Oh no! I think I am beginning to panic. Can I run in full kegel? This is fine. Everything is fine. I am more than half way, I didn’t drink that much. Why are my quads so sore? and why is winter not over? and I’m sick of running in this flipping weather!
9K: There is a bathroom in at the plaza, but can I even make it!!? No, I’m fine, 5k ‘til home, I’ve got this. Just run faster.
10K: Nope. You are not going to make it. Oh No! What’s happening? No! hold on. Yep. Pee is happening. I am running and pee is happening. And not just a little bit. Is anyone around? Is my pelvic floor non functioning or what is the problem here!?
11k-14k: Well I feel a whole lot better and that is less stressful but now I am even more freezing and I am running with wet tights and it’s -22 and as if I wasn’t cold enough already! Oh yay, runners running behind me, can they tell that my pants are all wet? Can they see the frost that is now suddenly forming on my legs? “Man that girl must be really giving ‘er to have such sweaty legs!”
Thank goodness for black tights!.
I got home and realized that I crossed a new line over what may well have been my worst run ever and got to tell my boyfriend that I just peed my pants and ran in it for 4k. I showered and ate lunch and then passed out for a half hour nap. But I ran my 14k and am two weeks away from an official start to marathon training season. My Garmin shows a peculiar heart rate increase around 10k and my cadence was stellar! An hour and 36 minutes of running that remind me that sometimes runs suck and sometimes they really suck…but often they are joyous and trans-formative. It is nearly always glamorous, but sometimes you may pee your pants.
Periscopecake 