I am 3 weeks out from the Calgary Half Marathon and I am more excited about the race being over than the race itself. I have been slacking. I have been just plain not interested. And now the spring weather has turned, as it tends to do, to snow on the ground and low minus temperatures that remove the call of the sunny blue morning that calls me forward in a light shirt and no jacket.
It’s been two months again since I’ve been to yoga and embarrassingly long since I’ve stepped foot into the gym…. (I just checked and it looks like two months on that also!) I have ran and I have ridden my bike a couple times. I have been doing pretty much the bare minimum of race training and have liked most of it, but as the weather turned poor last week and I felt kinda meh about it, it has been a struggle.
Last year on this exact date, I was in a whole other place; I was fully trained for a marathon and running it tomorrow! I was also emotionally raw and in a state of flux. My life was in a new place and with many changes, the running was some normalcy and some distraction. Training gives a purpose and a direction and keeps things literally moving forward.
I have been evaluating what it is that is holding back this runner who has gone out in minus 33C and done the work for nearly every training program ever taken on. I have been looking at some habits and routines that maybe aren’t serving me any longer and questioned the whole idea of how I can identify as a runner and a lifter and an active person, but suddenly just want to cuddle my boyfriend and cook and bake and visit with friends and my children.
The strange thing is that this lack of motivation seems like it would come with some sort of low or depressed state but it feels like quite the opposite. Often times in my life, fitness is the happiness! At the height of my separation, and in all of the pain a grief that clouded over the last couple years, running and lifting heavy weights (and yoga and biking) have been a calm in the storm. Clarity in chaos. Fitness and that focus was reason and escape, and made me feel better mentally and physically.
Currently I think that I am feeling more happy and excited than I have in years. I am feeling more calm and whole and like a better version of me; but part of that version of me apparently really likes to have a little wine and enjoy every second I can spend with my man, and looks forward to having friends over and going for breakfast dates or soaking up every moment I can spend with my kids, doing even benign errands.
It’s wonderful but not so great for my waistline or cardiovascular health. My clothes have been sending me final notices that the dam may burst, and these seams may be holding things in a bit more snugly than they did before…Let’s just say I have discovered that legging fit real nice and whipping my bra off at the end of the day is a lot more desirable than it should be…
So as I get ready to go do a long run this morning and feel like a toddler stomping that I just don’t wanna! I am trying to remind myself that I like this. I love this! I like how being fit feels. I do not need to break a record or PR at a race, I can just run it and enjoy it. I need to remind myself that I run or workout for myself and for health and freedom and because I am so lucky to have this able body!
People are asleep in my place right now. Warm and asleep and not thinking about putting on body glide and how slippery it better not be out there….No! stop that! Running is a gift…I’ll be glad I did…etc, etc.
Periscopecake 